1 00:00:42,295 --> 00:00:44,968 Michael - Mike. 2 00:00:45,346 --> 00:00:50,622 - What is it now? - This is your lucky night. 3 00:00:51,046 --> 00:00:53,559 How's that for a portable computer, eh? 4 00:00:54,982 --> 00:01:05,300 It's got 64K, UHF output, a megabite disc-drive, it's got ROM, it's got RAM, it's got them, red and green lights, everything! 5 00:01:05,617 --> 00:01:07,151 What do I want with a computer? 6 00:01:07,308 --> 00:01:10,757 What does he want with a computer? Everyone's got a computer these days! 7 00:01:10,915 --> 00:01:13,312 - Have you got one? - Have I got one? 8 00:01:13,545 --> 00:01:18,253 - He's got twenty five! - Yes, thank you, Rodney! 9 00:01:21,244 --> 00:01:28,605 This particular model retails at 399 pounds of the realm. 10 00:01:28,640 --> 00:01:32,548 I'm giving it to you for 150. I'm going to throw in a free joystick. 11 00:01:34,124 --> 00:01:38,481 - This thing, it process all your data. - And what exactly does that mean? 12 00:01:40,339 --> 00:01:43,514 Are you dimm or something? Tell him what it means, Rodney. 13 00:01:44,644 --> 00:01:47,380 He did a course in this, he came top of his class. 14 00:01:51,645 --> 00:01:59,811 In 'layman's' terms you can record all your business deals in it. 15 00:01:59,846 --> 00:02:02,527 I spend half my life trying to hide my business deals. 16 00:02:02,562 --> 00:02:06,162 So the last thing I want is to have 'em all recorded on a floppy bloody disc! 17 00:02:06,197 --> 00:02:11,457 - I'm not interested. Why don't you ask Trigger. - Trigger? With a computer? 18 00:02:11,492 --> 00:02:14,864 Do me a favour, he's still struggling with light switches. 19 00:02:19,731 --> 00:02:21,283 Try that, Albert. 20 00:02:24,044 --> 00:02:27,506 Last time I tasted something like that was when I was in Egypt. 21 00:02:27,541 --> 00:02:31,320 - Yeah? What was it a local brew? - No, I fell in the Nile. 22 00:02:32,017 --> 00:02:34,162 Here, Mike, I ordered beer! 23 00:02:34,464 --> 00:02:39,055 Don�t try'n be funny with me, Trigger. I'll tell you this much, I've had certificates for my beer. 24 00:02:39,090 --> 00:02:42,179 Yeah, I've had a few days off work with it and all! 25 00:02:44,898 --> 00:02:48,889 Bloody computers. I bought thirty of them, I've only sold five. 26 00:02:48,924 --> 00:02:52,874 - Well that's not too bad, Del. - Not too bad? I've had 'em a year and a half! 27 00:02:53,467 --> 00:02:57,569 Our sales campaign suffered badly when the local office of fair trading 28 00:02:57,604 --> 00:03:01,559 - ...announced to the press that they don't work. - They do work, Rodney! 29 00:03:01,594 --> 00:03:05,856 - You've just gotta fiddle about with 'em, that's all. - They don't work properly! 30 00:03:05,891 --> 00:03:09,900 - You know about this sort of thing, Dave? - As it happens I do. 31 00:03:09,935 --> 00:03:13,880 Recently I took a computer course and the adult education centre. 32 00:03:13,915 --> 00:03:15,922 - And failed! - I didn't fail! 33 00:03:15,957 --> 00:03:20,367 - What, you passed? - No, I didn't strictly pass either. 34 00:03:20,677 --> 00:03:23,249 The man in charge said, in not so many words, 35 00:03:23,284 --> 00:03:27,950 that I should concentrate more on the theoretical side than the actual keyboard area. 36 00:03:27,985 --> 00:03:31,604 What he actually said was, 'Keep your bloody hands off my machine!' 37 00:03:32,209 --> 00:03:34,158 Thanks for being so encouraging, Del! 38 00:03:34,365 --> 00:03:41,135 If I could pass that course and get my diploma I might be able to get a real job, working as a real company employee, 39 00:03:41,170 --> 00:03:44,461 instead of hanging round with the deadly duo, you and that suitcase! 40 00:03:45,907 --> 00:03:47,818 D'you know what he's had me doing today? 41 00:03:48,159 --> 00:03:52,405 This in one of them infra-red massagers, cures rheumatics and all that. 42 00:03:52,440 --> 00:03:56,637 He's had me hobbling through the market like I've got bad lumbago. 43 00:03:56,854 --> 00:04:02,764 Then 'Healing Hands Trotter' spots me and cures me in front of all the punters. 44 00:04:03,073 --> 00:04:08,599 - He used to be a cowboy now he's a medicine man! - Oh shut up you tart! 45 00:04:09,030 --> 00:04:11,269 You're just narked 'cos you had a hole in your vest! 46 00:04:12,047 --> 00:04:13,719 I can't hang about here. 47 00:04:14,469 --> 00:04:17,275 Remember that chop-suey house down by the station? The one we decorated? 48 00:04:17,310 --> 00:04:22,573 It's gone bust and they're auctioning all their gear tonight, so I'll see you later. 49 00:04:24,798 --> 00:04:25,978 Oh my God! 50 00:04:26,167 --> 00:04:30,695 - Mr Trotter! - Mr Jahan! What a pleasant surprise. 51 00:04:30,730 --> 00:04:31,828 What brings you in? 52 00:04:31,863 --> 00:04:34,992 That computer you sold me last month is still not working. 53 00:04:36,607 --> 00:04:39,013 There must be a simple explanation. 54 00:04:39,048 --> 00:04:43,003 Why don't we sit down and discuss it over a drink. What can I get you? 55 00:04:43,568 --> 00:04:48,736 - Something non-alcoholic. - Michael, pint of your best bitter, please. 56 00:04:50,345 --> 00:04:52,624 I have a business to run, Mr Trotter. 57 00:04:53,096 --> 00:04:57,884 When I bought the computer, at your suggestion, in order to streamline my business. 58 00:04:58,130 --> 00:05:01,427 So far your computer has managed to destroy my accounts, 59 00:05:01,462 --> 00:05:05,240 ...my stock records and set fire to my curtains. 60 00:05:06,079 --> 00:05:08,688 You must be pressing the wrong button. 61 00:05:09,254 --> 00:05:11,899 We are talking out of limit hi-tech here. 62 00:05:11,934 --> 00:05:15,068 That computer was used in the American space shuttle. 63 00:05:15,103 --> 00:05:17,240 But it blew up! 64 00:05:18,455 --> 00:05:24,972 I don't mean it was the same computer. Although that would explain why it's not working too well! 65 00:05:25,622 --> 00:05:30,032 Trust me, Mr Jahan. Give it a bit of time and I guarantee you that in a few days time... 66 00:05:30,067 --> 00:05:32,651 ...you'll wonder how you ever managed without it. 67 00:05:32,686 --> 00:05:38,218 - I'll give it one week then I'll be back to see you. - That's the spirit, you know it makes sense. 68 00:05:38,551 --> 00:05:45,583 Thank you Michael. Anyway, I thought that young fella who works for you was a computer bofin. 69 00:05:46,344 --> 00:05:52,931 - He has resigned. Said the work did not agree with him. - Half of them don't know they're born these days, do they? 70 00:05:53,246 --> 00:05:57,404 I have placed ads in the local paper and at the job centre, but all to no avail. 71 00:05:57,439 --> 00:06:00,275 It's not a difficult job and I pay good wages. 72 00:06:05,056 --> 00:06:07,991 Yeah, that's gonna be difficult for you, Mr Jahan. 73 00:06:08,026 --> 00:06:11,190 I mean you're looking for a young man with drive and enthusiasm. 74 00:06:11,225 --> 00:06:13,239 Not really. 75 00:06:13,274 --> 00:06:16,165 A couple of GCEs wouldn't go amiss though, would they? 76 00:06:16,200 --> 00:06:21,632 It is not a necessity to all this. All I am looking for is somebody who can walk. 77 00:06:21,667 --> 00:06:27,541 That's what I mean, you're talking top-notch. Most people of that calibre have gone off with the brain-drain. 78 00:06:27,576 --> 00:06:29,463 No, it's gonna be a difficult one ... 79 00:06:30,912 --> 00:06:38,521 Wait a minute. Pot pourri, pot pourri! This must be your lucky night, Mr Jahan. 80 00:06:38,556 --> 00:06:42,263 - I may have the very person you're looking for. - Really? Who? 81 00:06:42,298 --> 00:06:47,752 Only my younger brother. Enthusiastic, and he's got GCEs in maths and art. 82 00:06:48,880 --> 00:06:53,791 Since he came back from Cambridge he's been wheeling and dealing in the commodities market. 83 00:06:54,167 --> 00:06:58,532 All the headhunters have been after him, right from the Bank of England, right down to ICI. 84 00:06:58,567 --> 00:07:01,609 - But he fancies something a bit more local. - Can he walk? 85 00:07:01,644 --> 00:07:05,554 - Dashes about all over the place. - Would he like to discuss it with me? 86 00:07:05,589 --> 00:07:08,378 - No, no, I'll discuss it with you. How much you offering? - 100. 87 00:07:09,145 --> 00:07:14,864 - Del Boy's got something going over there. - Then somebody's gonna suffer. 88 00:07:16,918 --> 00:07:20,692 Talking of suffering, my niece is getting married next Saturday. 89 00:07:21,316 --> 00:07:24,736 You remember little Lisa, don't you? She came up last year. 90 00:07:24,771 --> 00:07:28,845 She was the one who arranged for Del Boy to have a go on the hang-glider. 91 00:07:29,364 --> 00:07:33,802 Oh yeah, I liked her. 92 00:07:35,771 --> 00:07:38,598 Well she's invited you all down to Hampshire for the wedding. 93 00:07:38,633 --> 00:07:40,958 Well that's very nice of her, Trig. Tell her I'd be delighted. 94 00:07:40,993 --> 00:07:44,503 - You two are coming, Del's accepted for you. - He's accep... 95 00:07:44,538 --> 00:07:49,343 He's something else ain't he... Hold on, I thought Lisa was getting married last year? 96 00:07:49,378 --> 00:07:55,842 Yeah, she was. Then she found out that she wasn't. 97 00:08:01,995 --> 00:08:06,957 - Wasn't what? - You got a pencil and a bit of paper, Mike? 98 00:08:10,235 --> 00:08:13,958 Well now she's found out she is again. Should be good though. 99 00:08:13,993 --> 00:08:18,070 A day down by the coast, nice little drink afterwards. Talking of drinks, I'll get these in. 100 00:08:21,492 --> 00:08:26,360 Rodney, this must be your lucky night! I've only been and got you a job. 101 00:08:26,395 --> 00:08:27,974 I don't want it! 102 00:08:28,009 --> 00:08:31,333 What d'you mean you don't want it? You only just said that you'd like to get a job. 103 00:08:31,368 --> 00:08:34,871 Yes, but not from him! I've had some of his little 'jobs' in the past 104 00:08:34,906 --> 00:08:38,159 and I am here to tell you that he's no Brook Street Bureau! 105 00:08:39,665 --> 00:08:42,031 That's charming, that. 106 00:08:42,066 --> 00:08:46,416 That is all the thanks I get after all the work and effort that I've done. 107 00:08:47,768 --> 00:08:50,758 This wasn't just a job, Rodney, it was a career move! 108 00:08:50,793 --> 00:08:55,031 - But I haven't got a career. - But you would have had one! And it would have been moving! 109 00:08:55,066 --> 00:08:58,233 And we would have some wages coming into the flat. We are brassic at the moment. 110 00:08:58,268 --> 00:09:02,864 Yeah, i've noticed some of your novel, money-saving devices are in evidence - again! 111 00:09:03,798 --> 00:09:05,207 So what's this job then? 112 00:09:05,242 --> 00:09:08,787 You're not interested, Rodney, so it's purely epidemic innit? 113 00:09:11,194 --> 00:09:17,307 - What sort of job was it, Del? - He would have been a trainee computer programmer! 114 00:09:17,342 --> 00:09:27,280 Eventually. It was mentioned that the successful candidate would - with endeavor - attain executive status. 115 00:09:29,640 --> 00:09:35,026 I thought I'd be humping boxes round and all that. I didn't know it was trainee executive. 116 00:09:36,547 --> 00:09:41,228 He mentioned your CV. How bad's that eh? Nice little Citroen. 117 00:09:46,298 --> 00:09:49,463 No, I think they might have been referring to my curriculum vitae. 118 00:09:49,498 --> 00:09:52,934 Well that's no problem, there's no heavy lifting involved. 119 00:09:54,734 --> 00:09:58,988 - You'd have to start at the bottom though. - Of course. Doing what? 120 00:09:59,023 --> 00:10:03,306 Well, sort of delivering! Just to start with. 121 00:10:03,341 --> 00:10:06,547 And it's 90 quid, cash in hand, no tax, no nonsense! 122 00:10:07,323 --> 00:10:09,534 If I'm working for cash in hand I'm not really an employee! 123 00:10:09,569 --> 00:10:14,226 Yes you would, cause that's only temporary. What do you say? 124 00:10:14,949 --> 00:10:16,337 Where will I be working? 125 00:10:17,490 --> 00:10:22,091 You know that big new office block down in Wilmot Road, the one with the smoked glass and lairy cars? 126 00:10:22,126 --> 00:10:25,971 - Where all them young birds come out of at lunchtime? - That's the one. 127 00:10:26,515 --> 00:10:31,080 - Yeah, I know it! - Well, right opposite is an alley. 128 00:10:32,326 --> 00:10:33,717 An alley? 129 00:10:33,752 --> 00:10:37,538 Between the undertakers and the Light of Nepal restaurant. 130 00:10:37,573 --> 00:10:39,675 You go down that alley and you find a yard. 131 00:10:39,710 --> 00:10:45,909 Pop your head in there Monday morning and ask for Mr Jahan. He'll give you your duties and uniform. 132 00:10:45,944 --> 00:10:49,384 Good Lord, is that the time? Gotta get down the Chinkies. I'll see you later. 133 00:10:53,129 --> 00:10:56,672 Why would a trainee computer programmer need a uniform? 134 00:10:56,849 --> 00:10:58,925 Don't know. 135 00:11:01,851 --> 00:11:04,014 I don't know what you're laughing at, Unc. 136 00:11:04,049 --> 00:11:09,337 Don't you see what this means? You've just been promoted to the geezer in the market with the bad back! 137 00:11:21,331 --> 00:11:27,655 Congratulations, Lisa, and you too Andrew. My very best wishes for many years of happiness. 138 00:11:27,690 --> 00:11:30,639 Who knows, in a year or two from now we could all be back in church 139 00:11:30,674 --> 00:11:33,317 celebrating the christening of your first born. 140 00:11:34,063 --> 00:11:36,750 Actually, my mother wants to have a word with you about that. 141 00:11:39,915 --> 00:11:41,528 I see. 142 00:11:44,256 --> 00:11:46,989 Vicar! Vic! 143 00:11:47,694 --> 00:11:51,045 Ah, Mr Trotter, how nice. Thank you once again for your lift. 144 00:11:51,080 --> 00:11:54,862 Oh bain-marie, bain-marie, it's the least I could do. 145 00:11:54,897 --> 00:11:58,146 I'm sorry it was a bit bumpy, but, at least we didn't have far to go. 146 00:11:58,181 --> 00:12:03,577 You know the computer I was talking to you about. I left it for you in your vestry. 147 00:12:03,612 --> 00:12:05,688 You left it in my vestry? 148 00:12:05,723 --> 00:12:09,041 It's alright. I had to take it out of the back of the van anyway, to get you in! 149 00:12:11,418 --> 00:12:18,515 Just in case the ol' Bishop asks, they normally retail at 3.99, but you can have it at 1.50. 150 00:12:18,550 --> 00:12:21,928 - And a pony off for cash. - Pony! 151 00:12:23,448 --> 00:12:29,491 - Alright then. 30 quid! I can't say fairer than that. I'll let you have it on 2 weeks approval. 152 00:12:29,526 --> 00:12:32,300 I mean, if I can't trust you who can I trust? 153 00:12:32,632 --> 00:12:36,852 Ask and it shall be given, that's my motto. 154 00:12:39,784 --> 00:12:42,341 Darling, you are one of the bridesmaids, aren't you? 155 00:12:46,347 --> 00:12:47,694 Thanks, Rodney. 156 00:12:48,209 --> 00:12:52,506 - What are you doing over here on your own? - Just reminiscing. 157 00:12:52,794 --> 00:12:58,243 This used to be my old stamping ground. Portsmouth's just a couple of miles up the road there. 158 00:12:59,693 --> 00:13:01,934 Bet you had some laughs round here, eh? 159 00:13:01,969 --> 00:13:08,406 Not half! The warning used to go out, 'Lock up your daughters, Trotters back in port!' 160 00:13:11,718 --> 00:13:16,153 You remember Mike, don't you? He's the water-diviner from the Nag's Head. 161 00:13:16,188 --> 00:13:21,827 Of course I do. Hello, Mike, it's lovely to see you again. This is Andy, my husband. 162 00:13:21,862 --> 00:13:25,311 Congratulations, son. You will never regret what you did today. 163 00:13:25,346 --> 00:13:27,887 I should know, I've been married eighteen years. 164 00:13:27,922 --> 00:13:33,626 - Thanks a lot. Is your wife here? - No, we broke up back in '73. 165 00:13:34,371 --> 00:13:40,830 Finally the skipper said, 'I know, we'll try and hide in one of the fjords.' So... 166 00:13:41,507 --> 00:13:46,759 I think I might have heard this story before. Did you sink? 167 00:13:47,732 --> 00:13:50,539 - Yeah. - I've heard it! 168 00:13:54,969 --> 00:14:00,682 - Why do you bother to listen to him? - I don't know - a moment of weakness I suppose. 169 00:14:01,334 --> 00:14:06,649 - It's a bit up-market, innit, Del? - I was surprised to see you here. 170 00:14:07,372 --> 00:14:10,393 I am at home in any walk of life. How are you, sweetheart? 171 00:14:13,416 --> 00:14:16,316 I don't believe it! Will you behave yourselves! 172 00:14:17,088 --> 00:14:20,628 We're only an hyphen or two away from a society wedding 173 00:14:20,663 --> 00:14:24,305 and you're behaving as if you're on a charabang trip to the lights. 174 00:14:24,340 --> 00:14:26,574 Oh shut up you snobby git! 175 00:14:28,049 --> 00:14:32,170 I am merely trying to conduct myself with a little decorum! 176 00:14:34,797 --> 00:14:40,757 - I assume this 'bundle' is from you? - That's our present. 177 00:14:41,835 --> 00:14:45,397 Good God, it looks like the bomb squad have had a go at it! 178 00:14:45,432 --> 00:14:51,794 - And what have you bought the unlucky couple? - It's a thirteen piece dinner service! 179 00:14:52,253 --> 00:14:59,237 - But we've bought 'em a dinner service as well! - I shouldn't worry, Marlene, they'll be no comparison. 180 00:14:59,695 --> 00:15:05,925 We got ours from Royal Doulton, they most probably got theirs from Dalton's Weekly. 181 00:15:08,191 --> 00:15:11,867 He's good, ain't he? He's got more front than Southend. 182 00:15:12,971 --> 00:15:15,828 No, but it is a lovely dinner service, Del. 183 00:15:16,125 --> 00:15:23,080 It's got a hand-painted pattern depicting the changing seasons of the English countryside. 184 00:15:23,115 --> 00:15:27,161 He's most probably given 'em that old crockery he bought at the Chinese auction. 185 00:15:27,196 --> 00:15:30,816 How dare you! What sort of bloke d'you think I am? 186 00:15:31,598 --> 00:15:37,373 Well I wouldn't put it past you. Come along Marlene. Shall we circulate? 187 00:15:37,936 --> 00:15:42,558 Bloody 'ell, Boycie, we've been round more times than a break dancer! 188 00:15:43,993 --> 00:15:47,076 Did our dinner service come from the bankrupt Chinkies? 189 00:15:47,111 --> 00:15:50,352 No it didn't! I swear on my life! 190 00:15:51,229 --> 00:15:54,619 Well them plates had an awful lot of Pandas and Pagodas on em! 191 00:15:54,654 --> 00:15:59,626 They did come from the Chinese take-away. Look, we've been really strapped for money recently! 192 00:15:59,994 --> 00:16:03,634 Anyway, I thought they looked rather nice Pagodas. 193 00:16:03,669 --> 00:16:09,283 No they're not, they look more like prisoner-of-war camp! I mean how is it gonna make us look? 194 00:16:09,318 --> 00:16:15,963 Boycie and Marlene's service depicts the changing seasons and ours contains scenes from Tenko! 195 00:16:18,088 --> 00:16:21,018 Yeah, I suppose you're right. 196 00:16:24,554 --> 00:16:27,089 Hang about a minute. 'Ere. Hold on to this. 197 00:16:44,777 --> 00:16:47,279 He who dares wins. 198 00:17:00,202 --> 00:17:04,714 - Aunt Reen. D'you wanna drink. - I'll have a port and lemon. 199 00:17:05,522 --> 00:17:09,054 Better make it a small one, I've had orders from young Lisa, 200 00:17:09,089 --> 00:17:12,383 that I mustn't get Oliver Twist in front of 'his' family. 201 00:17:12,418 --> 00:17:17,610 I don't know who she thinks they are, big hats and no drawers most of 'em! 202 00:17:18,736 --> 00:17:20,852 Here's a face from the past. 203 00:17:21,282 --> 00:17:26,678 - Albert Trotter? I don't believe it! - Hello, Reeny girl, how you going? 204 00:17:26,713 --> 00:17:29,610 I thought you went down with the Lusitania! 205 00:17:29,645 --> 00:17:31,300 Fiver says he did! 206 00:17:31,335 --> 00:17:35,884 No, they tried but they couldn't get me. How long you been living out this way? 207 00:17:35,919 --> 00:17:41,432 I moved from Peckham in 1965. I couldn't stand that estate any longer. 208 00:17:41,467 --> 00:17:46,311 It's nice and peaceful out here and I don't have to save up to get to the seaside. 209 00:17:46,346 --> 00:17:52,528 - You must be retired now. - Yeah. I'm living back with the family, Joannie's kids. 210 00:17:52,921 --> 00:17:54,723 Del Boy's not here is he? 211 00:17:54,758 --> 00:17:59,625 He's in there having a dance. He'll be out soon, he ain't had a drink for four minutes. 212 00:18:00,582 --> 00:18:03,624 - And little Rodney's here as well! - Oh no! 213 00:18:04,028 --> 00:18:10,225 - Rodney's here? Oh the little love! - That's him there. 214 00:18:11,664 --> 00:18:16,711 The last time I saw you you was in your pram. 215 00:18:19,080 --> 00:18:21,710 Who the bloody hell is this woman? 216 00:18:22,281 --> 00:18:31,149 - No, no. I'm Rodney. - You're little Rodney? Ain't you got big? 217 00:18:31,531 --> 00:18:36,051 - You don't remember me, do you, darling? - No. 218 00:18:36,670 --> 00:18:40,699 This is Trigger's Aunt Reeny. She used to be your mum's best friend. 219 00:18:41,350 --> 00:18:44,955 Oh yeah, me and Joannie, the terrible twins. 220 00:18:46,287 --> 00:18:50,030 D'you remember when your mum had that cleaning job down at the town hall? 221 00:18:51,964 --> 00:18:57,567 I used to look after you while she was at work � bath you and everything. 222 00:19:01,026 --> 00:19:04,645 Remember when I took you shopping that day in Woolworths? 223 00:19:05,933 --> 00:19:10,806 As I was pushing you round you were picking things up off the counter and I didn't know! 224 00:19:10,841 --> 00:19:15,031 When I got home and took you out the pram I found three bottles of scent, 225 00:19:15,066 --> 00:19:18,784 a packet of Weights and a Helen Shapiro record! 226 00:19:19,496 --> 00:19:23,414 So the next day I took you up Selfridges! 227 00:19:28,238 --> 00:19:30,329 I reckon the rumours were right. 228 00:19:30,364 --> 00:19:35,625 Joannie was never a hundred percent sure, but you can see the likeness, can't you? 229 00:19:37,700 --> 00:19:41,904 D'you fancy a dance, Reen? I can still cut a rug with the best of 'em. 230 00:19:41,939 --> 00:19:45,796 Keep your hands to yourself though. See you later, love. 231 00:19:50,822 --> 00:19:53,042 - What was that all about? - Gawd knows. 232 00:19:53,077 --> 00:19:56,756 I remember her from years ago, she's never been the full ten bob. 233 00:19:56,791 --> 00:20:01,574 - Oi, that's my Auntie you're talking about! - It must be a family trait then! 234 00:20:12,892 --> 00:20:17,964 Albert, don't go in there. Marlene is pulling all the blokes' shirt tails out. 235 00:20:20,813 --> 00:20:25,479 No! Reeny Turpin! 236 00:20:27,364 --> 00:20:29,507 Remember me, do you? 237 00:20:29,814 --> 00:20:34,299 Remember you, I'm still having nightmares about you! 238 00:20:35,335 --> 00:20:37,206 How are you, sweetheart? You keeping well? 239 00:20:37,241 --> 00:20:39,228 I'm smashing, Del. 240 00:20:39,643 --> 00:20:45,923 - I say you're looking very prosperous. - Well, life's been pretty good to us, innit Albert? 241 00:20:46,506 --> 00:20:48,538 Non-stop Mardi Gras. 242 00:20:51,954 --> 00:20:55,238 Let's go and sit down. I'm feeling a bit cream-crackered after that dance. 243 00:20:58,317 --> 00:21:01,564 She used to be a right little raver in her younger days. 244 00:21:03,099 --> 00:21:07,627 They reckon during the war she had more yanks than Eisenhower. 245 00:21:09,009 --> 00:21:13,502 I heard the Normandy landings started from her scullery. 246 00:21:15,800 --> 00:21:19,008 - Who you talking about? - Trigger's Auntie. 247 00:21:27,239 --> 00:21:29,891 When was it the last time I saw you? 248 00:21:29,926 --> 00:21:38,318 I moved from Peckham in '65, so that's nearly 23 years! You promised you'd come and see me. 249 00:21:40,737 --> 00:21:44,371 I've got a bit tied-up, with business and what have you. 250 00:21:45,231 --> 00:21:47,419 He seems a nice kid, young Rodney. 251 00:21:49,392 --> 00:21:56,195 He's got a diamond where other blokes have got a heart. Clever kid an all, he's got GCE's. 252 00:21:56,230 --> 00:21:58,891 But he's had you behind him to guide him, Del. 253 00:21:58,926 --> 00:22:02,596 He wouldn't be in the position he's in today if it hadn't been for you. 254 00:22:03,296 --> 00:22:08,291 I'm doing my best by him. Kept my promise to mum. 255 00:22:09,183 --> 00:22:12,412 She'd have been so proud of you two boys. 256 00:22:16,454 --> 00:22:18,448 I reckon that's why I moved down here. 257 00:22:19,662 --> 00:22:25,500 The old place changed when your mum went. I lost the best friend I ever had. 258 00:22:26,262 --> 00:22:28,123 Yeah, she was a lovely lady. 259 00:22:28,802 --> 00:22:34,427 If things had worked out a bit better you and Rodney could have been millionaires by now. 260 00:22:36,288 --> 00:22:41,035 I remember going to visit her in the hospital and her saying to me, 261 00:22:41,409 --> 00:22:46,605 'If only I knew where he'd hidden it, Reen. My boys would be set for life!' 262 00:22:48,874 --> 00:22:52,449 Hidden? Hidden what? 263 00:22:53,685 --> 00:23:00,224 - Well, the gold! - Gold? What gold? 264 00:23:00,511 --> 00:23:03,456 - 'His' gold! - Who's 'he'? 265 00:23:03,657 --> 00:23:07,342 - Freddy the Frog! - Freddy the Frog? Who's Freddy the Frog? 266 00:23:07,501 --> 00:23:12,707 You mean your mum never told you? Oh my Gawd, me and my mouth! 267 00:23:12,999 --> 00:23:16,849 - Forget I said anything Del. - How can I forget it? 268 00:23:21,987 --> 00:23:21,987 Come on. You gotta tell me now. Otherwise I'll get it out of someone else. 269 00:23:23,504 --> 00:23:31,268 It all happened a long time ago. She met him in about 1959. 270 00:23:31,672 --> 00:23:34,695 - Met who? - Freddy Robdul. 271 00:23:35,892 --> 00:23:41,058 - Who's Freddy Robdul? - That was Freddy the Frog's real name. 272 00:23:42,693 --> 00:23:47,659 He was a villain from Rotherhyde, Not a nasty one, no guns or violence. 273 00:23:47,694 --> 00:23:53,518 He was a gentleman thief. Bit of a dandy was Freddy. 274 00:23:53,864 --> 00:23:57,372 He used to love French wine and paintings and what have you. 275 00:23:58,331 --> 00:24:05,450 He had a little holiday chalet down this way. They reckon when the police broke in 276 00:24:05,724 --> 00:24:14,267 - ...the walls was covered with Monets and other originals. - What's this got to do with my mum? 277 00:24:14,985 --> 00:24:20,243 Well, she, sort of... 'befriended' him. 278 00:24:20,944 --> 00:24:25,904 Yeah, well, she was a friendly lady. She'd help anyone out. 279 00:24:26,878 --> 00:24:33,162 Yes. Well, she used to help Freddy the Frog. 280 00:24:33,749 --> 00:24:39,213 Anyway, one day in August 1963 281 00:24:39,248 --> 00:24:46,167 Freddy and a little gang broke into the vaults of a bank up in the city. 282 00:24:47,755 --> 00:24:54,457 They got away with over a quarter of a million pounds in gold bullion. 283 00:24:56,555 --> 00:25:02,981 The rest of the gang got caught but Freddy � and the gold - got away. 284 00:25:03,685 --> 00:25:14,447 Well, a short time afterwards, while still on the run, was tragically killed in a freak accident. 285 00:25:15,289 --> 00:25:21,974 When they opened his will he'd left everything he owned to your mum. 286 00:25:22,689 --> 00:25:32,032 - A the Monets and originals and all that? - Oh no, they had to be returned to the original owners. 287 00:25:32,469 --> 00:25:39,261 The same went for the gold except of course, that nobody knew where Freddy had hidden it. 288 00:25:40,280 --> 00:25:46,306 Then your mum left all her worldly possessions to you including the lost gold. 289 00:25:50,008 --> 00:26:00,805 If that gold was worth a quarter of a million in 1963, must be wort a million now! Maybe two! 290 00:26:01,030 --> 00:26:04,185 - And it's mine! - Yours and Rodney's. 291 00:26:04,220 --> 00:26:14,820 - Same thing! I'm a millionaire. - I know. Bloody shame no one knows where it's hidden. 292 00:26:15,911 --> 00:26:18,519 Yeah, it's a bit of a choker. 293 00:26:20,927 --> 00:26:22,430 I'll get us a re-fill. 294 00:26:32,247 --> 00:26:39,227 I know you may find this hard to believe and it may even come as a bit of a shock to you. 295 00:26:42,045 --> 00:26:43,715 We are millionaires! 296 00:26:46,288 --> 00:26:51,489 Oh good, perhaps we can take the magnet off the electric meter now. 297 00:27:00,629 --> 00:27:04,648 You remember in the past when you had trouble with your Cilla, theold Cilla Black, 298 00:27:05,675 --> 00:27:10,872 you used to stagger down to the quack's, you paid �2.50 for a prescription 299 00:27:11,012 --> 00:27:15,162 you popped that into the chemist and he'd give you a three bob tube of Algipan. 300 00:27:15,430 --> 00:27:20,076 But those days are over thanks to this revolutionary new device. 301 00:27:20,111 --> 00:27:24,272 The inframax deep-penetration massager. 302 00:27:26,648 --> 00:27:30,478 You too girls, you're miles off. I'm warning you. 303 00:27:31,639 --> 00:27:36,415 This is an osteopeadic device which emits infra-red rays 304 00:27:36,450 --> 00:27:38,285 that penetrate deep into the muscles 305 00:27:38,320 --> 00:27:42,553 soothing the pain away giving you permanent and instant relief. 306 00:27:44,375 --> 00:27:48,175 How much would you expect to pay if you went on Harley Street? 307 00:27:49,081 --> 00:27:51,024 Don't touch it I'm warning you. 308 00:27:51,059 --> 00:27:53,784 You'd expect to pay 70-80 pounds for one of these, 309 00:27:55,012 --> 00:27:59,990 but thanks to bulk buying free-enterprise, and a mate of mine who does a bit of smuggling, 310 00:28:00,840 --> 00:28:03,731 I can let you have one of these for a mere fifteen pounds. 311 00:28:05,322 --> 00:28:09,431 I'll let you have this for the same amount of money that I paid for it, and that is 14 pounds. 312 00:28:11,686 --> 00:28:14,384 Snatch it off me, come on. You won't find better... 313 00:28:14,725 --> 00:28:17,607 D'you mind moving on sir, I'm tryna do a bit of business here sir. 314 00:28:17,642 --> 00:28:18,959 Sorry, son. 315 00:28:19,640 --> 00:28:25,425 I don't care whether you've got ear-ache, neck-ache, back-ache or even any other sort of ache, 316 00:28:26,169 --> 00:28:28,307 this little device will cure it. 317 00:28:28,560 --> 00:28:29,885 Try it on him then. 318 00:28:29,920 --> 00:28:36,282 - Try it on the old fella. - No, no, I don't wanna do the batteries up. 319 00:28:36,815 --> 00:28:39,629 That's probably not backache. That's body-language. 320 00:28:39,664 --> 00:28:41,810 I think he's trying to tell you something darling. 321 00:28:41,845 --> 00:28:45,558 No, it's rheumatics, son. Suffered with it for years. 322 00:28:45,593 --> 00:28:47,801 Try your massager on him. 323 00:28:51,062 --> 00:28:54,987 Alright, I will. 324 00:28:57,409 --> 00:29:02,003 That soppy little thing won't do me no good. My back's been under experts! 325 00:29:02,038 --> 00:29:06,370 - Confounded the medical world, my back has. - Well, at least let me try. 326 00:29:06,405 --> 00:29:10,274 It can't do any harm. Slip your coat off. 327 00:29:11,990 --> 00:29:14,302 I see you're a naval war hero. 328 00:29:14,337 --> 00:29:17,490 Forty years before the mast fighting for King and country. 329 00:29:20,859 --> 00:29:23,671 - Groan, groan! - Oh Gawd, my back! 330 00:29:25,400 --> 00:29:27,188 Remember, no sudden movements. 331 00:29:27,223 --> 00:29:32,921 Not until I have applied the healing rays of the Inframax deep-penetration massager. 332 00:29:35,231 --> 00:29:41,206 Can you feel the relaxing warmth soothing the pain and tension away in your lumbar region? 333 00:29:42,969 --> 00:29:48,176 Yeah, that's very theraputic that is. I've never had this done to me before. 334 00:29:48,710 --> 00:29:51,182 Coming from an old sailor that's saying something, innit? 335 00:29:52,961 --> 00:29:57,411 Oh, that's lovely. My back feels better already. 336 00:29:58,468 --> 00:30:03,994 Look at that, I can stand up straight! I haven't been able to stand up straight for years! 337 00:30:16,193 --> 00:30:20,278 I don't believe him! What is he doing to me? 338 00:30:20,883 --> 00:30:23,759 - He's just a stooge! - He's part of the act! 339 00:30:24,524 --> 00:30:30,192 - No he ain't! We've never met before, have we, sir? - No Del, we haven't. 340 00:30:39,726 --> 00:30:42,163 You told me to 'get better' in front of the crowd. 341 00:30:42,198 --> 00:30:45,813 But I didn't ask you to do the third act of 'Singing in the Rain'! 342 00:30:46,866 --> 00:30:49,418 You came round that corner looking like Old Father Time. 343 00:30:49,453 --> 00:30:52,714 One rub of me massager and you turned into Wayne Sleep! 344 00:30:53,160 --> 00:30:57,471 Well, I'm not used to all this market spieling. Why didn't you get Rodney to do it? 345 00:30:57,506 --> 00:31:02,410 Because Rodney started his new job today. He can't be in two places at the same time. 346 00:31:03,459 --> 00:31:05,452 Come on, clear this all up will you? 347 00:31:06,505 --> 00:31:10,118 Innit bloody fair, eh? I fought a war for the younger generation. 348 00:31:10,153 --> 00:31:12,345 Yeah, but whose side were you on? 349 00:31:13,411 --> 00:31:15,178 Del Boy, Albert. 350 00:31:16,712 --> 00:31:19,665 - Good wedding weren't it? - Yeah, mustard. 351 00:31:20,040 --> 00:31:22,984 Lisa and Andy were double pleased with that dinner service you bought 'em. 352 00:31:23,019 --> 00:31:27,380 - Must have cost a fortune? - That's alright Trig. Anything for the young couple. 353 00:31:28,528 --> 00:31:30,161 Here comes Money! 354 00:31:30,196 --> 00:31:32,976 D'you see the crappy present he bought 'em? 355 00:31:34,008 --> 00:31:36,273 No, no I didn't catch that, Trigger. 356 00:31:36,308 --> 00:31:41,191 Load of cheap old plates. Sort of thing you'd get in a bad Chinese restaurant. 357 00:31:43,137 --> 00:31:44,877 That's typical though, eh? 358 00:31:45,114 --> 00:31:49,277 - That's how he got rich, for being so tight. - Yeah, he's tight, ain't he? 359 00:31:51,341 --> 00:31:56,375 He's the sort of bloke who buys a tin of baked beans on Tuesday so he can have a bubble bath on Wednesday. 360 00:32:00,074 --> 00:32:05,947 Good morning, gentlemen. Another fine day in Gotham City. 361 00:32:08,625 --> 00:32:11,279 The wedding seemed to go very well, all things considered. 362 00:32:11,314 --> 00:32:13,058 Yeah it was alright, weren't it? 363 00:32:13,093 --> 00:32:18,016 Did Lisa and what's his name find time to look at my present? 364 00:32:18,051 --> 00:32:21,455 Yeah they looked at it - not for long though. 365 00:32:22,334 --> 00:32:24,335 And what about 'his' little gift? 366 00:32:24,623 --> 00:32:28,036 They put Del's present straight in their display cabinet. 367 00:32:29,246 --> 00:32:31,175 Peasants! 368 00:32:31,802 --> 00:32:35,140 Talking of the wedding, there's something I wanted to ask you two. 369 00:32:35,554 --> 00:32:40,243 Think back to the early sixties. Do you remember - Freddy the Frog? 370 00:32:40,536 --> 00:32:47,800 Freddy the Frog? No, don't ring a bell. I remember Torchy the Battery Boy. 371 00:32:48,105 --> 00:32:50,255 Yeah, and what about Twizzle? 372 00:32:51,096 --> 00:32:54,648 I don't believe you two. I just don't believe you. 373 00:32:55,938 --> 00:32:58,202 Hang up, hats off. 374 00:32:58,733 --> 00:33:01,813 Your mini-cab's arrived, Albert. 375 00:33:08,782 --> 00:33:13,967 - Is that Dave? - Yeah. 376 00:33:23,918 --> 00:33:28,743 You git! You rotten git!! 377 00:33:29,474 --> 00:33:32,651 You didn't tell me my new job was a chief mourner! 378 00:33:33,651 --> 00:33:35,468 Rodney, show some respect. 379 00:33:37,699 --> 00:33:39,168 What's he doing? 380 00:33:39,203 --> 00:33:42,402 Just you wait, Del! Just you wait. 381 00:33:57,099 --> 00:34:00,513 Why are you taking us down there, Rodney? It's a no-entry! 382 00:34:00,548 --> 00:34:06,518 Yes, sorry, Mr Jahan, I was talking to my brother and I... Sorry! 383 00:34:09,968 --> 00:34:12,431 Could you just back up a little bit, please. 384 00:34:15,448 --> 00:34:17,811 Would you mind backing up a little bit, please? 385 00:34:20,366 --> 00:34:22,128 What's the trouble? 386 00:34:25,178 --> 00:34:29,714 I can't stand it any more. What a plonker! 387 00:34:33,553 --> 00:34:36,368 Yes, I'm finding this rather upsetting too. 388 00:34:37,350 --> 00:34:39,303 D'you know the bloke in the hearse then? 389 00:34:39,338 --> 00:34:44,129 No, but I know the bloke in the Cortina, I sold it to him last week. 390 00:34:45,999 --> 00:34:47,288 You're a liar, Del! 391 00:34:47,323 --> 00:34:52,063 I swear to you Rodney, I didn't know what your duties would be, Mr Jahan never told me! 392 00:34:52,098 --> 00:34:57,193 Didn�t know, my arse! You just set me up for that job so that I could bring some money into the flat. 393 00:34:57,228 --> 00:35:03,601 Well every little helps, Rodney. Anyway, I thought that black suit looked really good on you. 394 00:35:03,636 --> 00:35:08,729 No it didn't! I saw my reflection in a shop window. I looked like a wand! 395 00:35:10,794 --> 00:35:14,437 You told me I'd be a trainee computer programmer! 396 00:35:14,877 --> 00:35:20,437 - And are you not programming his computer? - Oh yeah, I'm programming his computer. 397 00:35:20,472 --> 00:35:24,426 I'm also an apprentice pall-bearer, a fully-fledged chief mourner 398 00:35:24,461 --> 00:35:27,014 and I have to go and get the sandwiches! 399 00:35:27,391 --> 00:35:30,310 Long as you've got job-satisfaction, that's the main thing. 400 00:35:30,345 --> 00:35:35,593 No, I have not got job-satisfaction, actually! As a matter of fact, I'm thinking of resigning! 401 00:35:35,628 --> 00:35:37,907 Well, I'd hurry up before he sacks you! 402 00:35:37,942 --> 00:35:42,783 That big traffic jam was not my fault! Alright, you name one person who blamed me! 403 00:35:42,818 --> 00:35:45,771 - Mr Jahad did. - The grieving relatives did. 404 00:35:45,806 --> 00:35:47,908 The Flying Eye did. 405 00:35:50,510 --> 00:35:53,414 It wasn't my fault the differential on that Cortina seized up! 406 00:35:53,765 --> 00:35:57,732 I had to call the RAC, and they had to call for a tow truck, but couldn't get through. 407 00:35:57,767 --> 00:36:00,545 - Why? - 'Cos of the big traffic jam. 408 00:36:01,087 --> 00:36:06,715 - Anyway it all went off alright in the end. - Yeah, and you could have started a trend. 409 00:36:06,750 --> 00:36:09,479 Floodlit funerals could be all the rage! 410 00:36:12,221 --> 00:36:16,658 Anyway, I don't want to talk no more about it, I've got far more important things on my mind. 411 00:36:16,693 --> 00:36:20,385 Oh, we're not going back to Freddy the bleedin' Frog again, are we? 412 00:36:20,420 --> 00:36:26,587 Yes, we are. There's a million quids worth of gold bullion out there, and it's mine - ours! 413 00:36:26,956 --> 00:36:28,665 You're something else, you are. 414 00:36:28,700 --> 00:36:33,253 Adrunken old woman spins you some cock 'n' bull story and you fall for it. 415 00:36:34,531 --> 00:36:38,309 Just because Reenee was a good time girl who likes the occasional Tizer, 416 00:36:38,344 --> 00:36:40,689 that was alright, she was never a liar. 417 00:36:40,922 --> 00:36:46,940 Anyway, I've been out and seen a few faces this afternoon and they've confirmed it. 418 00:36:47,303 --> 00:36:54,862 - The robbery - the gold bullion never being found - the lot. - But how can you be certain it ain't been found? 419 00:36:54,897 --> 00:36:58,620 I mean over the past few years, every policeman and underworld figure in the country 420 00:36:58,655 --> 00:37:02,790 - must have been looking for that gold. - And what would they have done with it? 421 00:37:02,825 --> 00:37:07,013 They'd either have put it through a fence, which meant it becomes public knowledge, 422 00:37:07,399 --> 00:37:10,633 or they smelled it down themselves. If they do that... 423 00:37:10,668 --> 00:37:14,724 and that amount of gold coming on the market causes ripples, 424 00:37:14,759 --> 00:37:20,989 - the sort of ripples that'd be remembered for a long time! - And what if the police found it? 425 00:37:21,204 --> 00:37:23,294 I'm talking about the police! 426 00:37:25,766 --> 00:37:31,191 The chaps never found it either. I had a chat with the Driscoll brothers. 427 00:37:31,726 --> 00:37:34,828 - You went and saw the Driscoll brothers? - Why what they like? 428 00:37:34,863 --> 00:37:40,414 Smashing blokes, Unc. It's like bumping into the two Ronnies - Biggs and Kray! 429 00:37:41,805 --> 00:37:44,335 They sussed out why you were asking questions? 430 00:37:44,370 --> 00:37:48,945 No. You know what they're like. 431 00:37:50,130 --> 00:37:55,820 A couple of years ago some Guru reckoned the world would end within a month. 432 00:37:55,855 --> 00:37:59,503 Danny Driscoll bet a grand that it would. 433 00:38:02,260 --> 00:38:04,539 And he's the brains of the outfit. 434 00:38:06,776 --> 00:38:12,089 The only trouble was, I kept on having to refer to him as Freddy the Frog, I couldn't remember his surname. 435 00:38:13,089 --> 00:38:15,643 - It was Robson or something. - Robdul. 436 00:38:15,678 --> 00:38:20,351 Robdul! That's what it was! I've been tryna think of that all afternoon... 437 00:38:28,264 --> 00:38:29,768 Did you know him? 438 00:38:29,803 --> 00:38:34,723 - Vaguely! - Why didn't you say? 439 00:38:34,758 --> 00:38:40,530 Well, the first time I met him he was just a kid � eighteen, nineteen, a different age group from me. 440 00:38:40,565 --> 00:38:47,359 Then over the years I used to bump into him every so often, usually in one of the pubs down the docks. 441 00:38:48,151 --> 00:38:54,566 He were a likeable bloke, very generous. He was very tall and handsome. 442 00:38:54,929 --> 00:38:59,071 Everyone liked him, specially the women. Used to fall over them-selves for him. 443 00:38:59,106 --> 00:39:04,553 - Yes, yes, yes, but what about the gold bullion? - Well he robbed a bank in the city... 444 00:39:04,588 --> 00:39:10,188 We know all that! What happened after the robbery? 445 00:39:10,556 --> 00:39:21,335 About a week after, Freddy and an explosive expert called Jelly Kelly, broke into a post office in Plumstead. 446 00:39:23,313 --> 00:39:27,939 Apparently they set wires and the explosives all right, everything going well, 447 00:39:27,974 --> 00:39:34,838 when - nobody knew why � Freddy the Frog sat on the detonator. 448 00:39:36,359 --> 00:39:42,190 They found him up on the roof... of a building across the road. 449 00:39:43,613 --> 00:39:46,562 What happened to the other mush, Kelly the Jelly? 450 00:39:46,597 --> 00:39:50,611 Well, he was holding the nitroglycerine when Freddy sat down. 451 00:39:52,209 --> 00:39:57,456 - So he didn't survive either. - Well, if he did he'd be no good in a Mexican wave. 452 00:40:06,570 --> 00:40:12,176 Wherever I go it's the same story � Freddy the Frog took the secret with him. 453 00:40:12,211 --> 00:40:16,070 - Maybe he shipped the gold abroad. - There wouldn't be time. 454 00:40:16,105 --> 00:40:19,702 There was only a week between him doing the job and hitting the snooze-button. 455 00:40:22,202 --> 00:40:24,389 There's another thing that's confusing me and all. 456 00:40:24,747 --> 00:40:31,573 If that Freddy was going out with a married woman on this estate, why did he leave all his money to our mum? 457 00:40:35,422 --> 00:40:40,760 - It's a mystery, innit? - I'll make some tea. 458 00:40:42,787 --> 00:40:48,472 I was talking to one of the Driscoll heavies. And he reckoned that Freddy had a son by that woman. 459 00:40:51,501 --> 00:40:54,261 It's just a rumour, Del. I'd take no notice of rumours. 460 00:40:54,296 --> 00:40:59,402 No. But if it was true the boy would be in his mid-twenties by now. 461 00:41:02,250 --> 00:41:07,875 Still, he don't know who his dad was so he can't make a claim on the fortune. 462 00:41:12,499 --> 00:41:13,940 Look at this Rodney. 463 00:41:13,975 --> 00:41:18,582 Here we are, millionaires, and we're getting threatening letters from the milkman! 464 00:41:19,499 --> 00:41:24,241 This Freddy the Frog. Did he have any hobbies or pastimes? 465 00:41:24,276 --> 00:41:30,465 Did he have any hobbies or pastimes? We're looking for his gold, not his tennis racket! 466 00:41:30,760 --> 00:41:35,315 No, I thought the more you find out about him the more you'll know how his mind works. 467 00:41:36,173 --> 00:41:42,337 Yes, good thinking, Rodney. He was a bit of an artist weren't he, Albert? 468 00:41:42,875 --> 00:41:49,591 Yeah, good artist. They reckon if he hadn't been a tea-leaf he could have made a very good forger. 469 00:41:50,906 --> 00:41:54,737 Well that's got us a lot closer. Problem solved. 470 00:41:55,515 --> 00:41:58,679 I think I'm gonna go to bed. I say goodnight to you two. 471 00:42:05,017 --> 00:42:13,577 They're rumours, Rodney. That's all, rumours. Goodnight son. 472 00:42:19,902 --> 00:42:24,325 Rodney. Don't forget, you've gotta be down the morgue by half nine. 473 00:42:27,824 --> 00:42:31,247 We'll finish this then we'll pop down the market and do a bit with the massagers. 474 00:42:31,282 --> 00:42:35,837 And this time, when I've finished operating on you, no tap-dancing! 475 00:42:35,872 --> 00:42:38,090 Just straighten up slowly like it's a miracle. 476 00:42:38,685 --> 00:42:40,594 Del! Got it! 477 00:42:40,629 --> 00:42:43,887 - What's that about? - Dunno. It looked like 'peace in our time!' 478 00:42:46,566 --> 00:42:50,790 This morning Mr Jahan asked me to transfer all his old paper files onto computer. 479 00:42:50,825 --> 00:42:52,719 - What, my computer? - Yeah. 480 00:42:52,754 --> 00:42:55,904 - Have a read of that. - No. No!! What is it, a summons? 481 00:42:57,703 --> 00:43:02,759 It's one of Mr Jahan's order forms from July 1963. 482 00:43:02,794 --> 00:43:08,992 Look who ordered a coffin to be specially made. One Frederick Robdul. 483 00:43:09,027 --> 00:43:15,220 It was ordered five weeks before he did the robbery, six weeks before he blew himself up. 484 00:43:15,255 --> 00:43:18,766 - D'you see what it means? - He had a premonition. 485 00:43:21,161 --> 00:43:23,059 You berk! 486 00:43:27,823 --> 00:43:32,091 This casket here was ordered by Mr Frederick Robdul, 487 00:43:32,208 --> 00:43:36,200 but it was made for a Mr Alfred Broderick. 488 00:43:36,235 --> 00:43:43,329 - Who is Alfred Broderick? - No, look at the two names closely. It's an anagram. 489 00:43:44,447 --> 00:43:49,440 Oh yeah, yeah, I can see that. But who was he? 490 00:43:50,661 --> 00:43:54,300 No - bloody 'ell - look. 491 00:43:55,026 --> 00:44:04,310 If you transpose, mix up, all the letters in Frederick Robdul it becomes Alfred Broderick. 492 00:44:04,345 --> 00:44:08,551 In other words Broderick never existed, it's just one of Freddies' aliases. 493 00:44:08,586 --> 00:44:10,507 He's right an' all. 494 00:44:11,393 --> 00:44:16,615 - What you're saying is, he put... - ... the bullion... 495 00:44:16,650 --> 00:44:22,627 into the coffin and then got the Co-op to hide it for him or in this case, Mr Jahan. 496 00:44:22,662 --> 00:44:27,118 Right. It was all legal above board. It was most probably paraded through them streets. 497 00:44:27,153 --> 00:44:30,604 I'll bet the old Bill held up the traffic for it. 498 00:44:31,085 --> 00:44:37,184 Then it was buried with all the usual honours. All Freddy had to do was bide his time, then come back for it. 499 00:44:37,219 --> 00:44:41,917 You two seem to be forgetting something. This isn't a family pet we're talking about. 500 00:44:41,952 --> 00:44:46,207 If what you're suggesting is right he'd have needed permission from the authorities � 501 00:44:46,242 --> 00:44:52,728 he'd have needed official documentation � and lots and lots of it! So where's he get all that? 502 00:44:54,948 --> 00:45:03,547 - He always has to spoil things, don't he? - Wait a minute, I think I've cracked it. 503 00:45:04,989 --> 00:45:11,138 Way back in the early sixties when you was a nipper, Mum got herself a jod down the town hall as a... secretary. 504 00:45:11,676 --> 00:45:12,972 A secretary? 505 00:45:13,007 --> 00:45:17,803 Yeah. One of her duties was hoovering out the Registrar's department. 506 00:45:19,433 --> 00:45:25,612 She could get her hands on all the documents he needed and mark 'em with the official stamp! 507 00:45:28,040 --> 00:45:31,943 What are you doing here? You're supposed to be helping me with the embalming. 508 00:45:31,978 --> 00:45:34,353 Yeah, sorry, Mr Jahan. I just took an early lunch. 509 00:45:35,868 --> 00:45:38,017 Just come and sit down for a minute, will ya? 510 00:45:38,484 --> 00:45:42,994 I'd like to have a little chat with you. Rodney found this in your files. 511 00:45:44,138 --> 00:45:48,164 - But this is confidential material. - It just shows you how keen he is though. 512 00:45:48,199 --> 00:45:50,280 He's bringing his homework to lunch with him. 513 00:45:50,315 --> 00:45:53,554 Do you remember this man, Mr Frederick Robdul? 514 00:45:54,817 --> 00:45:58,428 Yes I remember him very well, a most charming man. 515 00:45:58,720 --> 00:46:03,514 My father had just bought the business and Mr Robdul was one of our first clients. 516 00:46:04,086 --> 00:46:10,172 The other reason it sticks out in my mind is because Mr Robdul ordered an extra-large casket to be made. 517 00:46:13,048 --> 00:46:18,540 I expect his mate, Mr Broderick, was an extra-large chap. 518 00:46:19,122 --> 00:46:21,487 I wouldn't know, we didn't handle the funeral. 519 00:46:22,248 --> 00:46:23,532 What? 520 00:46:24,730 --> 00:46:29,252 We simply supplied the casket. Mr Robdul came and collected it in a van one night. 521 00:46:29,287 --> 00:46:35,975 - You mean it was a take-away? - Mr Robdul told us it was to be a very private affair. 522 00:46:36,010 --> 00:46:41,343 We didn't question his decision � we didn't want to intrude upon his grief and we needed the business. 523 00:46:43,296 --> 00:46:46,547 Does that mean you don't know where it's buried? 524 00:46:46,582 --> 00:46:50,495 As I say, I don't know. It was a private affair. I must go now. 525 00:46:50,530 --> 00:46:52,959 - Rodney, how long will you be? - Back soon, Mr Jahan. 526 00:46:57,332 --> 00:47:00,251 - Well, that's the end of that. - You'll never find it now, son. 527 00:47:00,286 --> 00:47:05,001 - Yes we will! - Del, the gold has been missing for 24 years. 528 00:47:05,036 --> 00:47:10,204 The last thing anyone saw of Freddy the Frog was on a radar screen, so what chance have we got? 529 00:47:14,438 --> 00:47:19,221 He would have buried it somewhere local. He would have stuck to an area that he knew well. 530 00:47:19,832 --> 00:47:21,591 This is what we're gonna do. 531 00:47:22,037 --> 00:47:26,904 I'm gonna see the flower man down the market and get us a codgel of tulips on sale or return. 532 00:47:27,231 --> 00:47:30,749 You're gonna visit every graveyard and cemetery in the district 533 00:47:30,784 --> 00:47:33,300 and you're gonna read every name on every headstone. 534 00:47:33,335 --> 00:47:36,097 And when you leave, you'll leave a flower as if you're one of the relatives. 535 00:47:36,132 --> 00:47:37,900 But there's thousands of 'em! 536 00:47:37,935 --> 00:47:41,209 If anyone asks you say you come from a big family! 537 00:47:42,039 --> 00:47:44,591 Rodney, I want you to do the same in your travels. 538 00:47:44,991 --> 00:47:47,294 Bit like a busman's holiday for you. 539 00:47:48,036 --> 00:47:51,172 In the meantime I'm gonna check the records down at the town hall, 540 00:47:51,207 --> 00:47:57,529 stonemason's, churches, that sort of thing. Don't worry brother. We'll find it! 541 00:47:57,564 --> 00:48:03,575 Del, I don't want to be the prophet of doom or nothing, but I do get the feeling we're wasting our time. 542 00:48:03,610 --> 00:48:08,673 That is time that could be spent in more productively in earning some money and paying some bills. 543 00:48:08,708 --> 00:48:12,036 We owe two months rent, we're dinking tea with no milk in it 544 00:48:12,071 --> 00:48:16,309 and the electricity board keep calling round to see why their meter is going backwards. 545 00:48:17,060 --> 00:48:19,018 There's food in the cupboard, isn't there? 546 00:48:19,053 --> 00:48:25,066 Yeah, thanks to my pension and Rodney's wages. It wouldn't be a bad idea for you to drive down to Hampshire 547 00:48:25,101 --> 00:48:32,364 - �and pick up that computer money off the vicar. - Leave it out. That gold must be here hidden somewhere. 548 00:48:33,071 --> 00:48:36,979 It can't have disappeared, this is Peckham not the Bermuda Triangle. 549 00:48:37,441 --> 00:48:41,957 And as me going all the way down to Hampshire to pick up a piddling 120 quid 550 00:48:41,992 --> 00:48:43,829 that's like admitting defeat. 551 00:48:43,864 --> 00:48:50,589 A sign that I'd give up all hope of ever finding my birthright. And that is not my style. 552 00:48:52,376 --> 00:48:57,070 When Del Trotter says he's gonna do something, Del Trotter does it! 553 00:49:00,183 --> 00:49:04,503 You see what I mean Mr Trotter, I've tried everything and it simply refuses to work. 554 00:49:07,646 --> 00:49:10,812 - Has it received a whack of any kind? - Oh no, I can assure you. 555 00:49:13,333 --> 00:49:15,470 There you are, that's all it needed. 556 00:49:15,981 --> 00:49:19,354 Yes! I'm not technically minded like you, Mr Trotter. 557 00:49:19,389 --> 00:49:22,980 Some of these hi-tech advancements need a bit of encouragement. 558 00:49:23,015 --> 00:49:25,700 So, if you'll just give me my money, I'll bid you farewell. 559 00:49:25,735 --> 00:49:30,056 - I'm afraid I shan't be needing the computer, Mr Trotter. - What? 560 00:49:30,091 --> 00:49:35,371 As I said to you at the wedding, I couldn't honestly see what part a computer could play in the daily running 561 00:49:35,406 --> 00:49:38,926 of a small parish such as this. And my words have been borne out. 562 00:49:38,961 --> 00:49:43,003 But if it had been working properly you would have seen the benefits. 563 00:49:43,038 --> 00:49:47,890 I'm very sorry, Mr Trotter and I'm awfully grateful to you for giving me it for two weeks on approval 564 00:49:47,925 --> 00:49:50,357 but I simply have no need of it. 565 00:49:53,236 --> 00:49:56,230 I can't take it back now, it's been used. 566 00:49:57,096 --> 00:49:59,121 Well, of course it's been used! You told me to use it! 567 00:49:59,156 --> 00:50:01,694 But you've taken it out of its protective wrapping. 568 00:50:03,679 --> 00:50:07,453 - And look, it's had a whack there. - But you just did that! 569 00:50:09,146 --> 00:50:14,662 But I'm not a technician, I'm merely a salesman. What am I gonna tell my govner? 570 00:50:15,116 --> 00:50:17,414 I'm gonna have to go and tell him one or two things, 571 00:50:17,569 --> 00:50:21,912 That you took it out of the protective wrapping, you messed about with it, 572 00:50:21,947 --> 00:50:25,648 you let an unqualified wally repair it and now you wanna elbow it! 573 00:50:27,676 --> 00:50:30,662 That machine was in perfect condition when I loaned it to you, 574 00:50:30,697 --> 00:50:33,637 and look at it now, it's second hand, innit? 575 00:50:35,473 --> 00:50:40,435 As you are a man of the cloth and seeing that you are the one who naused it up 576 00:50:40,576 --> 00:50:43,520 I'm gonna let you have that for the second hand price. 577 00:50:43,555 --> 00:50:48,313 - Gimme 100 notes and we'll say no more, alright? - I don't want the computer! 578 00:50:48,348 --> 00:50:52,126 But this computer is top of the range, this is the Silver Cloud of computers. 579 00:50:52,319 --> 00:50:57,453 There are thousands of people pouring out of London into the housing estates in your Parish. 580 00:50:57,488 --> 00:51:01,839 Your flock is increasing. You're gonna need one of these to keep a check on 'em all! 581 00:51:01,874 --> 00:51:07,382 I only wish that were true. Unfortunately few people seem to require the services of a church such as this. 582 00:51:07,852 --> 00:51:13,651 It's seems a pity to me that there aren't more people like our mutual friend Mr Robdul. 583 00:51:15,393 --> 00:51:16,457 What? 584 00:51:16,951 --> 00:51:23,073 I do appologise, I couldn't help overhearing you and Mrs Turpin discussing Mr Robdul at the wedding. 585 00:51:23,309 --> 00:51:26,106 - You mean to say that you knew Freddy the Frog? - I'm sorry? 586 00:51:26,273 --> 00:51:29,752 You knew Frederick Robdul? 587 00:51:29,973 --> 00:51:35,284 Many years ago when I came to St Mary's. He had a holiday home just a few miles from here. 588 00:51:35,319 --> 00:51:40,411 He always used to call in when he was down this way. A charming and very generous man. 589 00:51:40,446 --> 00:51:42,509 He donated the stained-glass windows. 590 00:51:42,544 --> 00:51:46,387 In fact he loved this church so much his parents are buried here. 591 00:51:47,543 --> 00:51:51,353 Did you ever meet his friend? Mr Broderick. 592 00:51:51,388 --> 00:51:56,210 Alfred Broderick? Yes. Not to say 'meet' in the conventional sense. 593 00:51:56,245 --> 00:52:01,353 I had the sad duty to lay the poor man to rest. He must have been rather a large man, 594 00:52:01,388 --> 00:52:06,964 - �it took eight of us to carry him from the hearse. - Yeah, he was an anagram! 595 00:52:09,315 --> 00:52:13,251 Could you tell me where you buried it - him? I'd like to pay my last respects. 596 00:52:13,463 --> 00:52:15,327 Oh, yes. It would be here in the records. 597 00:52:16,726 --> 00:52:18,799 He must have been very close to Mr Robdal. 598 00:52:18,834 --> 00:52:26,561 I've never forgotten the way he kept patting the coffin and contained his grief behind a smile. 599 00:52:26,596 --> 00:52:29,252 - Yeah. We were all a bit choked, you know? - Oh, yes, here we are. 600 00:52:31,416 --> 00:52:33,353 About the computer? 601 00:52:33,868 --> 00:52:37,291 Don't worry about that. Give it to the jumble sale, it's only a load of rubbish anyway! 602 00:52:40,264 --> 00:52:42,108 What do you put in that thing? 603 00:52:42,143 --> 00:52:48,546 It's me own recipe. Dutch tobacco. Navy shag and a spoonful of rum to keep it moist. 604 00:52:51,521 --> 00:52:56,566 - Smell the salt, Rodney? - You put condiments in it as well? 605 00:52:56,962 --> 00:53:02,110 I'm talking about the ozone in the air. Takes me back. 606 00:53:03,090 --> 00:53:06,118 Funny how a smell can start the mind turning. 607 00:53:07,716 --> 00:53:09,709 Not to mention the stomach. 608 00:53:15,262 --> 00:53:18,080 Rodney! I know where it's buried! 609 00:53:24,406 --> 00:53:31,854 - What, you mean - here? - Here! Come on. 610 00:53:32,157 --> 00:53:33,782 Albert, bring that shovel! 611 00:53:37,787 --> 00:53:42,616 Del, you can't go digging up a grave in broad daylight! 612 00:53:42,821 --> 00:53:46,221 I mean, I know there's nothing actually in it, except for gold bullion, 613 00:53:46,256 --> 00:53:49,169 but if anyone saw us doing it they might not understand! 614 00:53:50,709 --> 00:53:52,048 Over here. 615 00:53:58,378 --> 00:54:02,070 - This is it. This is where he buried it! - Where? 616 00:54:03,592 --> 00:54:05,156 There! 617 00:54:07,678 --> 00:54:14,570 A burial at sea? Why? How did he ever hope to get the gold back? 618 00:54:15,702 --> 00:54:19,911 There are one or two things our dear Uncle forgot to inform us of, Rodney. 619 00:54:19,946 --> 00:54:24,585 He told us he met Freddy the Frog but he didn't say where and how. 620 00:54:24,620 --> 00:54:27,764 I met him when he was doing his national service in the navy. 621 00:54:27,799 --> 00:54:34,706 Yes, he was a sailor! He also omitted to tell us how he got the nickname of Freddy the Frog. 622 00:54:34,741 --> 00:54:38,449 We assumed it was because of his love of all things French. 623 00:54:38,484 --> 00:54:40,747 No, it was 'cos he was a frogman. 624 00:54:43,462 --> 00:54:46,711 I know that now, I just got the full SP off the vicar. 625 00:54:46,746 --> 00:54:48,811 Why didn't you tell us? 626 00:54:48,846 --> 00:54:52,424 Well, you know me. I never talk about my days at sea. 627 00:54:54,378 --> 00:54:57,931 We knew that Freddy had a chalet down here at the coast. 628 00:54:57,966 --> 00:55:01,965 If we'd have also known he was an ex-sailor and a deep sea diver 629 00:55:02,000 --> 00:55:04,959 we may have been able to put two and two together. 630 00:55:05,883 --> 00:55:10,344 And you would have saved us a fortnight of creeping round every cemetery and churchyard in South London! 631 00:55:10,379 --> 00:55:15,223 Well, if you knew he was buried at sea why'd you ask me to bring this shovel? 632 00:55:15,685 --> 00:55:17,804 So I can whack you on the bloody head with it! 633 00:55:19,071 --> 00:55:19,694 Del, take it easy! 634 00:55:21,790 --> 00:55:26,009 Well, he gives me the 'ump, Rodney. He's been a right steaming 'ump! 635 00:55:30,666 --> 00:55:34,107 It was beautiful. Really beautiful. 636 00:55:34,610 --> 00:55:39,575 He got all the offended paperwork, a pukka ceremony, a vicar. 637 00:55:40,461 --> 00:55:44,135 He even got two off-duty policemen to help carry the coffin to the boat! 638 00:55:45,449 --> 00:55:47,831 All he had to do was wait for the dust to settle, 639 00:55:47,866 --> 00:55:51,003 then come back with a frogman gear and dive down and get it. 640 00:55:52,238 --> 00:55:56,356 He must have known these waters well, probably been diving here for years. 641 00:55:57,131 --> 00:56:06,028 - It's out there, Rodney, our legacy! - Nothing you can do about it now, Del. 642 00:56:07,306 --> 00:56:12,734 I'm not leaving it there! The sea shall not have it! 643 00:56:13,838 --> 00:56:15,897 I shall bring it back to the surface! 644 00:56:16,625 --> 00:56:21,994 We can do it! I have faith in you, Rodney! 645 00:56:23,491 --> 00:56:26,213 Me? What d'you men you've got faith in me? 646 00:56:26,248 --> 00:56:31,293 I'm gonna get you all the flippers, the goggles. You're the only one in the family who can swim. 647 00:56:31,328 --> 00:56:38,525 - All I ever got was a fifty yard certificate at school. - You only need to swim fifty yards - down! 648 00:56:39,101 --> 00:56:40,782 On your bike! 649 00:56:41,736 --> 00:56:46,396 Where you gonna start searching? You're looking at 500 square miles of ocean! 650 00:56:46,431 --> 00:56:52,660 It took 'em 70 years to find the Titanic so what chance we got with an outsize coffin? 651 00:56:54,208 --> 00:56:59,077 Gotta do something! He who dares wins! 652 00:57:00,922 --> 00:57:06,051 There's a million quids worth of gold out there, our gold! 653 00:57:06,647 --> 00:57:09,142 We can't just say Bonjour to it! 654 00:57:16,187 --> 00:57:20,361 - Do I look like him? - It was just a rumour, son. 655 00:57:21,277 --> 00:57:25,377 - Do I look like him? - Bit. 656 00:57:27,020 --> 00:57:32,694 I always felt as if I was different from the rest of the family. A bit of a cuckoo. 657 00:57:32,729 --> 00:57:35,002 It was just a rumour! 658 00:57:37,131 --> 00:57:43,186 Freddy the Frog! Killed himself by sitting on someone else's detonator! 659 00:57:45,432 --> 00:57:47,173 What a plonker! 660 00:58:04,225 --> 00:58:12,507 - Come on, let's talk about it over a pint. - Yeah, I expect you're right bruv. 661 00:58:15,346 --> 00:58:20,666 But in the words of General MacArthur, 'I will be back soon!' 662 00:58:23,124 --> 00:58:29,878 I am not leaving our birthright down there in Davey Smith's locker. No way, I tell you Rodders. 663 00:58:30,583 --> 00:58:35,493 This time next year we will be millionaires. 664 00:58:43,970 --> 00:58:48,870 Subtitles NVL